Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
