I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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