I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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