dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
