Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
