He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
