Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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