I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
