Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
