So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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