i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
