just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
