"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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