Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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