Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
