Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
