so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
