I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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