you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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