Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
