Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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