How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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