i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you mean i was at the winter classic?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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