y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
