I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize