So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
