you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
