Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
