In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
