I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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