got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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