She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
