i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
