i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
