i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We are all done wearing pants today
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
