i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
