Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
