So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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