The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
