I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
