so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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