i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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