So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
