Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
