i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
