Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
