Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize