He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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