I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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