i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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