I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
