sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
