my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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