I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
