I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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