I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
