...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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