I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize