Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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