Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
