I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
