last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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