Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
