No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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