Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
